What, you say? Is he going to rip into Microsoft? Hey, folks -- I'm an equal opportunity critic, so here goes.

As it is at the beginning of every new year, there are millions of people all over the civilized world trying to lose weight. Thinner is better, healthier, sexier and hey, it's even cheaper, because you don't have to buy all that extra food to stuff into that famished pie hole. Too bad software companies like Microsoft don't feel that urge to shave a few pounds off bloated applications at the beginning of each year. What, you say? Is he going to rip into Microsoft? Hey, folks -- I'm an equal opportunity critic, so here goes.

I just have one question for Bill Gates and Company: Who do you think you're fooling with this transparent marketing concept, Windows XP (formerly code-named "Whistler")? The greedy Redmondites are not really improving anything here. Sure, Microsoft PR flackmeisters said over a billion dollars is going into this "new" operating system. What they quickly skirt over is that most of those greenbacks are going toward marketing.

How do I know all this? Here at the Midwest Test Facility, we've been putting this latest Beta of Windows XP through its paces. The biggest reaction we can come up with here is, "eh." Is it faster? Does it have a wild-looking new interface? Are there lots of spectacular new features that we'll all be able to use as we edit complicated video segments? In a word, nope. Let's take a look at the new features that we'll get with this "new" piece of crap.

First up is Fast User Switching, which can be useful when you have lots of people using the same PC. Let's hope that's not you -- it's weird having too many people using one machine. Isn't it bad luck, too, like "three on a match?" I think so. Reminds me of two people (or more) using the same toothbrush. Eeeew. And oh, look, here's Remote Assistance, where you'll be able to control someone's PC over the Internet and help them learn how to use applications and perhaps fix software problems. Well, knowing Microsoft's record for PC security, this wonderful feature will probably open up a security hole through which you could drive a double-wide house trailer. And let's not forget that shiny new and different-thinking interface, code-named Luna. Puh-leeze. If you currently use Active Desktop, you'll know that these lame-brained skins for operating systems just slow everything down, and we've noticed that "Luna" is no exception. From now on, let's just call it "Looney."

And what else is there? There's better home networking, which might be a welcome feature if it indeed makes networking easier, which I doubt it will. And then there's better digital entertainment. Well hallelujah. I don't think Microsoft could have done any worse than Windows Media Player 7, probably the buggiest piece of swill that's ever been shoved out the door of the Redmond campus. Better photo editing and storage? For us digital video editors, who cares? You're a professional, right? If you're not using Photoshop 6 for editing photos, then maybe you should consider doing so instead of suffering with some software hack that should be given away as a prize inside a box of corn flakes.

I pick on Microsoft here, but the entire software industry is guilty of this creeping software bloat. For example, Adobe, with its new Premiere 6 has pumped up the software even more. I noticed this recently when I was reviewing the DV Storm by Canopus. This DV capture card has plug-ins for Premiere, and works with it, but not nearly as well as it does with its tiny, streamlined editing app called Storm Edit. Where Premiere seems to chug along, even on a 1 gigahertz P3, Storm Edit just flies. When talking with Canopus support technicians, they agree that bloated software is really slowing things down even on quick-like-a-bunny editing workstations.

So what's a conscientious video editor to do? Surely we want to keep up with the latest technology. But we need to keep that BS detector mounted up high on our dashboards. My suggestion for you: Try to develop a nose for malodorous marketing concepts, as opposed to real software innovation, and when something stinks, don't bite. Simple as that. Look carefully at feature lists, and ask yourself if these new "revolutionary innovations" are going to help you, or if their main purpose is to sell more software and make stockholders happy. That way, you can save yourself a few bucks here and there, save hours of time tinkering with a computer rather than editing, and maybe even keep your own stockholders happy. That's just what I'll do, because I don't want her -- you can have her -- she's too fat for me!

Charlie White has been writing about new media and digital video since it was the laughingstock of the television industry. A technology journalist and columnist for the past eight years, White is also an Emmy-winning producer, video editor and shot-calling PBS TV director. Talk back -- Send Chazz a note at cwhite@digitalmedianet.com.